Wednesday, July 19, 2017

How Long Has This Been Going On?

Here is a piquant little number I bottled over a decade ago as part of a Sunday Morning Comin' Down post (yes, I have been running that feature here for a very long time.)

Other than a few name changes, see if you think it still rings true?

From March 19, 2007:

Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

[Richard] Perle and [Tom] DeLay are interesting to watch not for their arguments – which are ridiculous – or their McCarthyesque pronouncement – which are trifling lies – but rather for the anthropological experience of seeing two perfect specimens of utterly failed, utterly corrupted wastes of meat and skin go thought their paces, gibbering and smiling away, completely impervious to reason or conscience.

Two moral corpses walking among the living, still raving out the same lies they have told for years. Lies that have caused the death and suffering of untold hundreds of thousand. Lies each now told as onelongjammedtogetheronrushingsentence. Each lie now just noise; a feverish, talismanic incantations – ritually enacted these days like Stations of the Neocon Cross, rather than spoken.

As if their old power to simply shut down reason and truth by bellowing “Traitor!” at anyone who looks at ‘em cross-eyed were still a hot and lively weapon in their clammy hands.

But those days are gone, and these true Enemies Within are now seen for what they are, naked and toothless in the noonday sun.

Because now, at last, the specific gravity of the sheer dead weight of the layer upon layer upon layer of bloodsoaked lies on which this Administration stands – centrifuged by time and events and simple facts -- has at least temporarily stratified the political world into divisions as distinct as the Permian-Triassic boundary.

On one side, Good and Light…

On the other, DeLay and Perle. Two slabs of ambulatory cultural cancer that are about as wholly, unsalvageably vile as creatures get who don’t literally burst into flames in direct sunlight or need to bathe in the blood of virgins to stay perky.

As I said, at one level, a simple exchange.

It was, at another level, quite remarkable. Like watched Ebola virus squirm and breed, and then storm and destroy healthy tissue under a microscope. Perle – who radiates the aura of something fangy and hairy and partially undigested that Dick Cheney had to have chiseled out of colon with a steam hammer -- belongs in perp-orange in a glass cage at the Hague.

DeLay, who belongs in non-remunerated Federal custody, continues to serve as a valuable, Poster Child-reminder that there are still millions of our fellow citizens who, every two years, yank themselves out of their sister’s bung long enough to jump fireman-style into their overalls and shitkickers and slouch off to the polls to vote straight fascist ticket.

Perhaps “Ta piss off the naygers”. Perhaps “Ta show them fags whose country this is!” Perhaps because, if they don’t, sweet baby Jebus will fuss and cry and cross them off the Champaign Room list in Heaven.

Their specific motives are irrelevant. They are simply Bad Americans – democracy’s failed men -- and they need to be loudly reminded at every opportunity that they are -- personally and specifically -- what is wrong with this country.
Ten years ago, saying such things about the leadership and the base of the Republican Party was enough to get a fella permanently and unemployably ostracized from polite company.

Ten years later and whole lot of the clowns who made a living calling us traitors for even suggesting such things have now smoothly transitioned to making a fine living saying things about the leadership and the base of the Republican Party that are as bad or worse.

Funny old world.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

Today In Republican Detachment Disorder: President Stupid

For the record, no one should be the least bit surprised that the leader of the Republican Party blames Republicans for his failure as if they were some other party in some other country on some other planet along some other timeline. Republican Detachment Disorder is an extremely common and contagious affliction which my copy of the Fake Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines succinctly as:
It's a huge shit sandwich and everybody but me is gonna have to take a bite.
Of course, Republican Detachment Disorder has been a persistent component of Beltway Both Siderism for years, but since the Rise of Trump the condition has gone airborne and is now fully pneumonic and spreading like wildfire among Conservatives who made an entire career out enthusiastically helping the GOP shit the bed over and over again, and then, as Reality closed in, suddenly started pretending that it was all the fault of some other Republican Party waaaaay over there.

This partial list of the afflicted reads like a cable news pundit on-call list.

Former Bush Administration speech writer and persistent Beltway stalactite, Michael Gerson

Former Bush Administration speech writer and persistent Beltway stalagmite, David Frum.

Kathleen Parker.

Joey Joe Joe Junior Scarborough

Bill Kristol and Joey Joe Joe Junior Scarborough

Ramesh Ponnuru

Tucker Carlson, Super Class Warrior Hero Guy

Rush Limbaugh

And of course, David Brooks,

who may well be the Patient Zero of this calamitous plague.

Won't you help us find the cure!

Behold, a Tip Jar!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Cute Kids

Be a real shame if anything happened to them.

If y'know what I mean.

Yes, President Stupid.

We all know exactly what you mean.

And for any freshly-minted "independents" who want to pretend that the barbarism and hostage-taking of the GOP began with the Rise of Trump, let's remember that well before they put an unhinged racist idiot in the White House, the Republican Congress was already setting new land-speed records for sedition and moral depravity all by themselves.

From me back in 2013:

Let The Hostage-Taking Begin

Against my better judgement, here is a bit of anal leakage from the thing that The National Review has devolved into:
House to Vote on Defunding Obamacare
By Robert Costa

Leadership sources tell me the House GOP will soon vote on a continuing resolution that simultaneously funds the federal government and defunds Obamacare. Speaker John Boehner and Majority Leader Eric Cantor are expected to announce the decision at Wednesday’s closed-door conference meeting.

This means the conservatives who have been urging Boehner to back a defunding effort as part of the CR have won a victory, at least in terms of getting the leadership to go along with their strategy. But getting such a CR through the Democratic Senate and signed into law will be very difficult — and many House Republican insiders say a “Plan B” may be needed.
Earlier in the day, the Most Useless Carbon Nodule on Liberal TeeVee -- 

-- told me that, in effect, Barack Obama's Entire!Presidency! hinges on winning a budget fight which was ginned up out of thin air by genuinely crazy people who are perfectly willing to nuke the global economy unless they receive Barack Obama's personal and abject apology for existing and a promise to gut his own, signature legislation.

The meatsticks have built a cult out of killing Obamacare, and their angry, stupid god demands an angry, stupid sacrifice.

Of course Mr. Halperin made no mention whatsoever of the barking-madness of the Republican half of the upcoming budget negotiations, instead opting to incant phrases like "conventional wisdom" and "Washington Insiders" to paste a figleaf over the fact that he was delivering John Boehner's ransom note (Unless you cook our meth for us, you're doomed, Barack Obama! Doooooomed!) on live teevee.  

Of course, this is not really John Boehner's fault, or Eric Cantor's or Ted Cruz's:  the fault lies with squarely with the dog-loyal dregs of the Republican base, who cannot shamble off to their unquiet graves fast enough to suit me.  

My own theory of civic engagement is that such people -- along with their charlatan leaders, tinpot demagogues, and media enablers -- need to be bum-rushed the hell out of the corridors of power and back to squatting on corner barstools raving about hippies where the belong, after which the adults can figure out how to fix what 30 years of unremitting stupid has broken.

But that's just my theory.

There is another theory that holds I have it all wrong -- that the entire shebang should be turned over to the hostage takers.  Just flip the keys to the Gohmerts' and Cruzes and Kings...after which Underpants Gnomes! 

...after which Libertarian Utopia!

At first blush this theory appears to be an even more aggressively idiotic view of the world and how it works than the season finale of "The Newsroom", but some big brains with much, much bigger megaphones than I have absolutely swear by it.

Like, for instance, this guy:

As This Picture Clearly Shows...

...the meeting between the Donald Trump, Jr. and his Russian handlers was the smallest such meeting that ever happened before in the history of the world, period.

Eighth person in Trump Tower meeting is identified

An American-based employee of a Russian real estate company took part in a June 2016 Trump Tower meeting between a Russian lawyer and Donald Trump Jr., bringing to eight the number of known participants at the session that has emerged as a key focus of the investigation of the Trump campaign’s interactions with Russians.

Ike Kaveladze’s presence was confirmed by Scott Balber, an attorney for Emin and Aras Agalarov, the Russian developers who hosted the Trump-owned Miss Universe pageant in 2013. Balber said Kaveladze works for the Agalarovs’ company and attended as their representative...
I think the problem may be that Don, Jr. doesn't count like a normal person, because as s I understand it, his number system goes
Daddy's wives.
Daddy's not-Tiffany kids.
Kids Daddy said should be executed because of that Central Park thing
Daddy's bankruptcies
We're rich!

Dear Steve Gilliard

I know you passed away a little over ten years ago and probably have weightier afterlife-related matters to consider (like pinning down Tony Scalia while Muhammad Ali purple-nurples the shit out of him, or you, Gwen Ifill and Leonard Cohen swinging by whichever circle of Hell Tim LaHaye currently calls home dressed as Vedic gods) but I thought you would get a kick out of hearing how deeply fucked-in-the-head things have gotten in the past decade back here in the vale of tears.

Fucked-in-the-head in ways that I think you would find both bizarre and completely predictable.

First, the Bush Administration collapsed completely, and the Right reacted pretty much as you'd expect.  (Bush?  Who dat?  I'm an in-dee-pen-dant!)

But that's not the punch-line.

Then Democrats elected the first black president.  And then re-elected him.  He did a lot of good stuff and some not-so-good stuff and will go down in history as one of America's great presidents.

And the Right reacted exactly as you'd expect.


But that's not the punch-line either.

Republicans then nominated and elected noted New York real estate con man, conspiracy monger and all-around scumbag, Donald J. Trump, who is currently doing pretty much exactly what you would expect a pig-ignorant Republican man-baby to do when given more power than anyone on Earth: staffing his White House with halfwit relatives and compliant stooges, fucking up everything he touches and blaming "Fake News" for his historic run of failures.

President Stupid now appears almost exclusively on Fox News which, it turns out that, in addition to being an openly fascistic propaganda mill, has also been a sexual predator petting zoo for years.  It got so rampant that eventually the House of Murdoch had to pay both Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly more money than I will ever see in four lifetimes to go away and stop molesting the help.  But in America, for-profit-wingnut-hate-mongering is a growth industry, and mere months after having cashiered its two biggest sexual predators (and driven away a number of their most recognizable on-air female humanoids) no one is even talking about it anymore.  Now, as far as anyone can tell, Fox is being run by the rat that lives in Sean Hannity's big empty skull and tells him what to say.

In the wake of the scandal, Tucker Carlson replaced Megyn Kelly as Fox News' prime time"serious" journalist and the Persistent Vegetative Right (who are now their only viewers) barely noticed.

Yes, that Tucker Calrson:
Tucker, you lost.

No one likes you, a lot of people like Stewart. Get over it.

He told you what most people who are not your drinking buddies think: that you're a dick and what you do is a travesty to political discourse.

The cold, hard fact is that his show won awards for news, while people hate your show.

People find Jon Stewart, the comedian, far more credible than you, the professional pundit. Take the fucking hint. Your day is done, bow tie boy.

And now here's the punch-line.

Now that history has demonstrated beyond any doubt that the Left was right about the Right all along, the corporations who own the media's cameras and microphones and printing presses and Brookses and Todds have decided that our national political dialogue should largely to be limited to...

...Conservatives who have been on-board with every single Republican atrocity all along except the Ascension of Trump (the "NeverTrumpers" and the newly-minted Both Siderist "independents") and...

...Conservatives who have been on-board with every Republican atrocity all along including the Ascension of Trump (the rest of the Republican Party, Fox News and Hate Radio.)

The latter group have it easier, of course.  All they need to do is keep on doing what they have always done:  lie constantly, deny everything, keep the Pig People angry and dumb as fuck and toe the fucking party line.  So the real, cosmic punch-line to this story is to be found in the hilariously schizophrenic behavior of the former group who, to maintain their media cred, must now use exactly the same vocabulary to describe the GOP that got Liberals kicked to the curb not long ago while at the same time continuing to pretend that Liberals (who, let us repeat, were right about the Right all along) either do not exist at all, or are somehow equally awful and equally culpable for reasons they never get around to explaining.

It has gotten to the point where Jennifer Rubin -- yes that Jennifer Rubin (from Salon in 2012) --
In Jennifer Rubin’s world, a world where everything is Good News For Mitt Romney, this is a “debacle” for Obama. It may shock you to learn how much Jennifer Rubin admires Bill Clinton, or at least the conservative anti-Obama Bill Clinton that she has invented for the purposes of this post. “One wonders how Clinton feels as Obama repudiates the centrist vision that made Clinton the most successful Democratic president since Harry Truman,” she writes. (He feels OK enough about it to stump for Obama?)

This is my favorite part of the post, where Rubin somehow turns Clinton releasing a statement calling Romney dishonest into a confirmation that Clinton totally agrees with Romney’s attack.
-- is writing in the Washington Post about the "moral rot" of the GOP:

It has gotten to the point where Max Boot -- yes that Max Boot  (from The News Blog in 2006) --
Max Boot writes middle class war porn, Why would anyone take him seriously.
-- is now a Respected CNN and MSNBC Constributor who thinks that Mr. Rubin is the bee's knees.

It has gotten to the point where Windsock Joe Scarborough -- yes that  Joe Scarborough -- has gone from boldly advising the GOP to Save The Party by blaming everything on it's incompetent leader long after it was far too late (from the WaPo in September of 2006) -- 


Save Yourself, Blame Bush

By Joe Scarborough
Sunday, September 17, 2006; Page B01

I can't help but feel sorry for my old Republican friends in Congress who are fighting for their political lives. After all, it must be tough explaining to voters at their local Baptist church's Keep Congress Conservative Day that it was their party that took a $155 billion surplus and turned it into a record-setting $400 billion deficit.

How exactly does one convince the teeming masses that Republicans deserve to stay in power despite botching a war, doubling the national debt, keeping company with Jack Abramoff, fumbling the response to Hurricane Katrina, expanding the government at record rates, raising cronyism to an art form, playing poker with Duke Cunningham, isolating America and repeatedly electing Tom DeLay as their House majority leader?

How does a God-fearing Reagan Republican explain all that away?

Easy. Blame George W. Bush.

Escaping political death by attacking an unpopular president is hardly new -- especially since most endangered politicians have the loyalty of a starving billy goat. But this is Dubya's Washington, where the White House has pushed around, bullied and betrayed GOP lawmakers for years.
-- to declaring himself to be an "independent" and boldly warning the GOP that it's incompetent leader was Killing The Party (from the very same WaPo in July of 2017) -- 
Trump is killing the Republican Party
-- and hoping that President Stupid will finally end the Party of Jefferson Davis.

Just kidding!

As a newly-minted "independent", Scarborough is now contractually obligated to blame all of America's problems on the K'rupt Duopoly, which will be swept aside once political parties miraculously vanish from the Earth and enlightened independent thinkers like, say, Joe Scarborough finally rise to power on the basis of his ability to rip-off the Liberal critique of his Republican Party and turn it into a steaming, Both Siderist WaPo turd:
Political historians will one day view Donald Trump as a historical anomaly. But the wreckage visited of this man will break the Republican Party into pieces — and lead to the election of independent thinkers no longer tethered to the tired dogmas of the polarized past. When that day mercifully arrives, the two-party duopoly that has strangled American politics for almost two centuries will finally come to an end. And Washington just may begin to work again.
It is all so funny and so terribly sad and, as I mentioned, fucked-in-the-head in ways I think you would find both bizarre and completely predictable.

Best regards,

Your pal, driftglass

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Happy Birthday to the Greatest Wife in All the Land

The only advise I can offer is, if the chance comes to marry someone far better than you, leap at it.

Smartest thing I ever did.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

The Trumperor's New Clothes

Just tell him that the damn wall is invisible and move on.

This Is What Your Crazy Uncle Liberty Thinks Is "News"

Syphilitic,  back-alley Fox News whores really shouldn't be talking about the peddling of flesh.

Funny How We Never Heard a Peep from the Beltway About Decency and Civility...


....until after the Left started doing what the Beltway media categorically refused to do -- punch back against decades of organized and massively well-funded Conservative lies, racism and paranoia.

And once it turned out that the Left had been right about the Right all along?

Fainting Couch futures shot through the roof and from one end of the Acela corridor to the other, it was suddenly "O tempora o mores", morning, noon and night.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Professional Left Podcast #397

"I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it."
-- Edith Sitwell


The Professional Left is "sponsored" by...

...and, of course, listeners like you!